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    • When you are working for your passion, it's not just job anymore

    Friday, November 1, 2013

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    I can't believe how fast time flies. It's 1st November, 2 more months for a brand new year!
    What an eventful year it is. Relocating again to a quiet colonial town which is around 3-4 hours drive from kl. Taiping, true to its name, is a very serene and peaceful town. Just like my hometown, it's describe as the best place to raise kids and paradises for pensioners.
    The main reason why I was moving here is because I was placed in a high need school at Changkat Jering - another smaller town nearby.
    I am a teacher, a fellow with teach for Malaysia - a nonprofit organization focusing on ending education inequity in Malaysia.  This program is a two years full commitment fellowship, and presented as a leadership development program. No, no...you are reading it wrong. A teacher is not only a leader but also a long list of non teaching roles.
    As what school does at the end of year, we finished our end of year exam last Wednesday. I am beyond nervous and anxious, marking my students papers. The results are not bad, average but I still believe that they can do better. They just haven't reach their full potential, yet.
    Put aside the academic performances, I can see that my students are becoming more confident now in the classroom or outside, they are more interested in learning compared  to early in the year. What I see lacking are goals and determination determination. I can't fully blame them as they are deprived of role models, access to a lot of important stuff and teachers who settled easily for what they saw in the kids literally, but not that prevcious gems hiding underneath their skins.
    My kids, I have not try hard enough for you all this year. But we still have one more year to polish your graphite and turn into diamond. But you, you need to give your all and your very best.

    Luahan rasa berbagai baur

    Monday, August 19, 2013

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    Ruang dan masa, dua elemen terpenting 
    untuk memulih dan dipulihkan; 
    hati yang terluka, persahabatan yang tercalar, 
    bahkan persaudaraang yang renggang. 

    Ruang dan masa
    mendekatkan para hati yang jauh, 
    patah tumbuh hilang berganti, 
    semua dalam kiraan ruang dan masa. 

    Rutin dan pekerjaan, 
    adakah pekerjaan itu satu rutin? 
    Atau rutin kah pekerjaan itu 
    jika ia sesuatu yang digemari? 

    Salahkah untuk menghidupkan rutin
    yang bisa membikin hati senang, 
    serta hidup penuh makna? 
    Biarpun ia hanyalah, rutin. 

    Sunyi dan sepi 
    di kala semua bunyi menjauhi, 
    ditinggalkan bersama sekalian 
    alam cakerawala. 

    Sunyi dan sepi, 
    biarpun hiruk pikuk kota 
    hinggap berdesing di cuping telinga, 
    hati kah yang sepi? 

    Lihat ruang sekeliling mu, 
    amatilah masa yang diberikan, 
    hidupkan pekerjaan mu, 
    serta indahkan rutin. 

    Padamkan sunyi dan sepi 
    dari hati mu, 
    dengan kenangan memori 
    yang terpahat kekal. 

    bukan satu kesilapan

    Sunday, May 19, 2013

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    Alkisah bagaimana sepatah ayat luahan kata daripada seorang ibu meninggalkan kesan mendalam.  

    Segala keputusan tentang hidup yang dibuat ini bukan satu kesilapan. 

    Di mana keberadaan kini bukan satu penyesalan tetapi satu cabaran. 

    Ya, kehidupan yang jauh dari apa yang disangka serta dirancang. 

    Bukan wang ringgit atau nilai pekerjaan itu yang dihitung, 

    tetapi berapa nilainya pekerjaan  berkenaan dalam masyarakat. 

    Bukan kerja senang dan mudah yang dicari, tetapi pengalaman mahal 

    dan peluang yang datang sekali dalam seumur hidup. 

    Mungkin si ibu tidak mengerti walaupun hakikatnya

    aliran pekerjaan kita sama tapi hasrat kita mungkin berbeda. 

    Ya, pada pandangan mata orang luar mungkin semua ini satu kesilapan dan kebodohon 

    Tetapi empunya diri menegaskan ini semua bukan satu kesilapan 

    dan tidak pernah akan menyesal. 

    Biarlah mereka dengan keputusan mereka dan keselesaan mereka. 

    Dan biarkan aku di sini dengan cabaran yang mendewasakan kehidupan, 

    mengentalkan semangat, pembuka mata dan minda. 

    Peluang datang dan pergi, singgahnya tidak akan kembali. 

    Apa guna hidup seribu tahun, jika hidup tidak memberi makna kepada 

    mereka yang amat memerlukan. 


    those who can, write the future

    Monday, February 18, 2013

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    How do you feel looking back at your previous life? 
    Looking back at how that particular job was so easy and fun. 
    At how life as a students, your worries were only assignments and exam.
    Looking back  at how life was before you made a decision that makes you, you, NOW? 

    Or do you always dream of the future? 
    Thinking about 1001 possibilities of the 'what if?' 
    What if I went to Graduate School instead of working life? 
    What if I studied Economy instead of  Science? 
    What if I never say yes to you? 
    What if I this, what if I that.......... 

    I look back at few major decisions I have made these few years, 
    there were no regret because with each of the decision,
    I have gained more experiences, insight and new perspective on life.

    Met more friends at my first work place, friends who are understanding and supportive. 
    Realize that I might have the natural talent to teach. 
    Leave my first job, join a greater cause. 
    A cause to end the education inequity in Malaysia. 

    Everyone dreams of changing our education system 
    They rant, they complaint, they finger pointed people, 
    but.... do you really put yourself in the teachers' shoes? 
    Or even the students' needs? 

    Yes, everyone can dream of a better future, 
    but those who can, WRITE THE FUTURE. 
     And those are the fellows of Teach For Malaysia.

    wonderful life :)

    Sunday, February 17, 2013

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    almost one year hiatus. there is nothing to worry, i am still alive.
    in fact, life has been even more wonderful day by day. 

    i promise i will be back here, soon. i will rant on my current life, 
    to keep record on my dream for the kids, to vent out my anger 
    and frustration, to cherish every moments worth remembering.

    there is a major change in life, since the last post. 
    something that make me move once more from a place that is 
    almost my second hometown. 

    but i guaranteed that these two years will be a life changing years
    and i hope, you will endure it will me. 


    new nest

    Friday, March 16, 2012

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    I moved to the new (rented) house last Monday. Obviously, it is one of my favourite nest so far. The apartment is just nice with its slightly yellow paint. Not to mention the gorgeous big build in wardrobe! I saved a lot of bucks and spaces with wardrobe that hugeeee.. Ngee, hopefully that won't give a reason for me to buy more clothes in the future.

    Besides the wardrobe, there is the kitchen cabinet that is very convenient to hide everything in the kitchen. But, sadly... we have yet to buy the stove and the gas. Never mind, a rice cooker will be just fine. Don't tell me you never fry chicken or sausage or egg with a rice cooker? It's called College's Student Survival Skill :)

    Mostly, this new move is something that bring comfort with the private space compare to previous rented apartment (with other housemates). Fridge is waiting to be pick up from its place, TV is still under consideration. Now, the excitement is killed by the fact that ---i still have almost 10 boxes in the old house, waiting to be moved. There are one computer table, 2 racks and maybe 2 boxes of stuff. *Moving house is a tiring process, and i have to go through it twice within a year! My oh my, i do hope the next time that i need to move, is to my own house.

    So much of my new nest, but there is only ONE MISSION POSSIBLE task to achieve now.Which is to learn to drive, again! The fast moving cars and the numbers of cars on the road scared me to the bone.. And to drive in Subang and Puchong, these are totally a hell of traffic *sigh..

    Wish me luck then.

    some bugs that got into my head

    Sunday, February 26, 2012

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    BUGS ATTACKED!

    something bugging my mind but i don't know what things.
    and i think, it is more than one type of bug. they all creep into my mind, bite deeper each passing day, leaving lots of blank spaces that need to be rethink, decision making to be made.

    conversation with myself is not helping, and i don't think talking these matters with some other people will help too. nahh, best keep in locked inside that secret hidden part of the brain.

    and yeah, bugs are winning until i found the suitable pesticide for them.


    #it's a rainy Sunday night. surprisingly, i do not have the Monday blues. Just that, the feeling is a bit iggy. don't ask me why coz i really don't know.

    changes.

    Saturday, February 25, 2012

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    changes.
    changing and to be change.
    all these we can't avoid
    no matter how we wanted to run away from it.

    comes the new year, and everything will change
    from individual, social, politic, economy and system
    who can stop it?

    changed hair style, changed mind set
    change address, change job?
    but please, someone do not ask any single woman
    when will the status change?

    too much to be change
    but the world still remain the same.
    not significant enough, maybe?
    Sunday, January 8, 2012

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    A photo taken at the apartment sometimes around December 2012.
    The sunset in the sky horizon that evening was awesomely stunning that i can't help but to grab my digital camera and captured the moment.

    A picture speaks thousand words. A picture also tells different stories to each different person according to their own perspective. Non to mention, a picture captured moments that we would like to freeze and look at for many many years to come. Moments that we know, will never come twice in our life.

    Since i came across the art of lomo, i knew that i am going to stick to it a very long time. Photos took with film camera are classic, old school to me. I like the yellowish, aged photo quality it produce. It doesn't matter how bad the film turn out to be but in the end, it is still an artwork for the person who shoot it.

    Maybe, i am just an old soul who seem to like most of the olden days stuff. Who loves the music by White Shoes and the Couples' Company. I love Zee Avi's songs too much that i can indulge in her music whole day long with the same playlist. Paired with coffee and book, that is like heaven on Earth to me.

    It is a new year. New resolution, i have none. I just want to be better in everything that i do, and in every character that i play in this life. Be it a sister, a friend, a lover or a teacher. And with that, let us start our 2012 with a photo to remind us how we really start it from day 1.

    Cheers to 2011, and Welcome 2012!

    out of focus

    Thursday, December 1, 2011

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    help me.
    i am out of focus continuously.
    nothing that i can do to get my self in focus again.
    why is it so hard, tell me!
    am just so frustrated.
    the best thing that i can focus is
    Christmas shopping and trip back home.

    8 months and counting...

    Monday, November 28, 2011

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    I land on my officially first job..ehm.. let say, by accident. A friend of friend told her there are vacancies in the school where she teach. So with out any hope, we just applied through email. Both of us went for the first interview but to cut the story short, i got the job and my friend got other job.


    To be honest, teaching as a school teacher is the least favourite teaching job that i would like to do. This may due to the facts that 1. i am surrounded by teachers - mum, uncles, sister and lots of friends. 2. i can be in teaching profession but as tutor or lecturer.
    But as the says, the more you dislike something, the more you will get involve in it. *Sigh! And because i've already decided earlier this year, i need to move on no matter what is the status of my postgrads study. I made myself a private school teacher much more because i need to earn money for my own cost of living.


    It has been 8 months since the day i walked blurry into the class and continue from the chapters their previous teacher left them at. Luckily for me, i got to teach all sciences subject, meaning i need to focus on science discipline only. *Relieve* I've learned a lots during these period - working environments (people and management), students and little details that make me a better person especially.


    Due to the fact that i am the substitute teacher that left the school earlier, all the job description of that teacher was hand down to me. I the one without any experience became the Form Teacher, Head of Kadet Bomba, the penilai PEKA and all sort of things that i need to comprehend in no time. My class is not the best class in the school but towards the end of year, right after their PMR, i saw their tr    ue colours. Characters that can be nurture, guide and mentored to be a good person in the future. Yes, they may be some rich spoiled kids; they have all the latest gadgets but most of them do not have time spend with their family. For them life is at school, with their friends.


    As the academic year ended last 2 weeks, i would like to put the mem    ory here as a reference in the future, for me to look and ponder upon.




    merdeka day celebrations with the kids

    when i was once a little girl......

    Monday, November 7, 2011

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    Que Sera Sera, the song that i used to sing when i was a little girl.     Our curiousity for our future was so massive when we were small. Not to say that we are not curious about our future now in our adulthood. Just that to recalled back all our innocent dreams and predictions, and compare it to what we have now... irony, funny or amusing for some.

    It is just that, what we have and how we live now is far too much different from what we ever dream of, for me at least. For example, i should have finish my MSc in 3 years time the most. But to date, almost 5 years but still the end is very much blur to me. I pray earnestly that this chapter will end soon. This mean my dream for PhD will have to be on hold for don't know how long.

    I am a person with only a few close friends. Cause the quality is more important than the quantity. My best friend, D, and i used to day dream a lotss during our class. Yes, we are the golden pair in the class. Every single teacher that taught us know how talkative we are despite the fact that we sit together, live in the same place together but our chattering is a never ending business :D

    We imagined how life would be when we are 27... oppss.. that is NOW. I am still nowhere that i can be proud of. But as for D, a chapter of her life is started at 27. A happy married woman she is now. I am happy for you, dear friend.

    As for yours truly here... Let time decide everything.

    Cheers and have a good school holiday to those teachers!

    i remember...

    Sunday, September 18, 2011

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    yes.. i remember
    but what good does it bring
    when it's only me who seem to care

    no.. i can't forget
    but i pretend to
    so that it will past by briefly...

    yes.. it is just another normal day
    have cups of coffee and
    some stupid senseless shows

    go out to shake some thoughts
    but nothing will do
    so i guess....

    today is not the day that
    i really want to remember.

    hari hari yang berlalu

    Sunday, September 11, 2011

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    hari hari yang berlalu, terasa seperti hembusan angin lalu
    tiada terasa kehadirannya.

    hari hari ku lewati, seakan tiada beza
    hari bekerja atau hari minggu.

    hari hari yang berlalu, penuh dengan rutin.
    rutin yang teramat biasa.

    dunia pelajaran ada nampak sekelumit sinar harapan,
    moganya semakin besar harapan untuk menyelesaikan semua yang
    sudah terlalu lama tertangguh.

    alam kerja.. semakin sibuk semakin terbeban.
    penipuan di depan mata, muslihat di tepi telinga.
    butakan mata, pekak kan telinga.

    dunia ku... seperti kurang nya rasa..
    tawar dan hambar..
    yang dihiasi kadang kala dengan
    merenung masa depan yang belum pasti.

    hari hari yang berlalu...
    gagahkan juga untuk berjuang.
    walau kesabaran di hujung minda
    jiwa kecamuk, hati meronta.
    biarkan saja.... hari ku berlalu ....

    when life give you lemons?

    Sunday, July 31, 2011

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    When life give you lemons,
    make lemonades out of them!

    If there are rocks along your way,
    kick them but don't step on it.

    The journey of life may not be pleasant all the times,
    the road may seem winding, twisting and narrow,
    but never focus only at the goal
    take time to look around you and just be in the moment.

    Don't forget to smell the roses along the way,
    thorny roses but who can resist its beauty?
    Seek the Creator's wonder in those tiny mini
    little bugs and insects.

    If you think that the Sun is set on you,
    do not worry for the magical moment of the day
    is during Sunset.
    It mark the end of a day and a beginning of better tomorrow.
    Just immersed in your Sunset and wait,
    wait patiently for your Sunrise
    and start anew.

    ~aej, au    gust 2011~





    weekend escapade!

    Wednesday, July 27, 2011

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    long time since i wrote here...
    times flies, too soon! can't believe i have been teaching for almost 5 months now.
    for the time being, i have not developed any feeling for this job...
    maybe it was because of the attitudes problems of the students?

    very frustrating when you put your whole effort in preparing the lessons
    but none of them care when you teach. at least one is enough to keep me motivated.
    pity the parents, who have to paid so much hoping their children get the best education
    but it's their children that don't know how to appreciate it!

    nah, enough of the rubbish talk and angst!
    how i wish that the holiday is here already. really need one at the moment.
    weekend is not enough for a fruitful rest, or is it because our mind is programed
    to set that weekend is just... weekend? ha ha.....

    the good news is, i managed to squeezed in a weekend escapade recently.
    yeayyyy to me!!! double joy coz it's with someone dearest :)
    like the says, it's the company that matter rite.

    aah, i better stop here and flaunt my KODAK moments.
    Cheersss :D

    photos from Digital Harinezumi 2+++

    Saturday, May 21, 2011

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    another hot Saturday afternoon doing nothing at home. at first, i wanted to vent out my disappointment on the students and teachers day but opt to do that entry another time. Hot day and that does not make a good match after all.

    as promised, hereby i shared some of the photos captured using a toy camera --Digital Harinezumi 2+++, borrowed :p


    i watch and i peep, through the masked face~



    our own version of Stonehedge perhaps, at Taman Sahabat?
    Let play dress up of witch and wizard, and held a gathering here :p



    The inside roof of a hut, amazing colours and simply beautiful.



    My favourite photo. The bell at the edge of the roof, clear blue sky and the tall green plants.
    And looking at this scenery while listening to the sound of bell's ringing softly
    caused by afternoon breeze --- breath taking!




    The vivid mode of the camera. Nicely captured the scene.




    Last but not least, the two person who are mad enough to stroll in the garden, under the super hot afternoon's Sun! Let's do it more, my dear :)

    when you have more

    Saturday, May 14, 2011

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    what do you think will happened to you, if you have more than what you have now?
    more money, more power, more privileges, more knowledge and such..... will you be a better person from what you are now or will you become worst actually?


    this question came across my mind during the school mid year examination. so not an inspirational place to get a thought like this, no? the reason behind this were of course my fellow students who sat for their exam papers. like the norm, teachers have to invigilate the exam plus the students here are well-known for their cheating habits in exam. So, yeah you get it.. no easy jobs for us. Have to walk around all the time and check on them. The smartest in the class is so generous that they will purposely let their classmates peep at their answer! That is not smart but dumb! When i was back in school, i always cover my answer sheets with question paper or my hand.


    as you already know, yours truly is teaching in a so called private school with national curriculum. No fancy international syllabus you all! but the different is english is fully use in science and math, plus some other different approach. They claimed it to be holistic education. What ever lah kan.


    just to share the experiences during my time to invigilate the exam. i was so surprise to see that most of them are very weak in national language and even english, mind you! *sigh* And this, happened to a bunch of privileges kids. Who have everything they want and they need under their nose. Private school, home tuition, tuition centre, iPhone, internet.... name it. I can understand if they have problems with national language, but english?


    now.. to say that we get more when have more money... i think it is not so true it this scenario. i compare my siblings with these rich kids (in term of studies of course), we stayed in a suburban area -- in a kampung to be exact. We came from a middle-class household, with the tele and astro as sole entertainment. Internet connection is via broadband and during the weekend only. We went to SRJK(c) in our primary school years, and SMK for our secondary years. Basically, we are trained in three different languages in school. And mind you, none of these language is spoken at home.


    but gladly, we never face the major language problem. somehow we manage to cope with it by practicing the languages we learn while communicating with each others. outsiders always find it amusing when they heard we talks with each others, switching from one language to the other. Granny was so annoyed sometimes that she snap at us saying that this is not a chinese or malay house. ahh, old people...


    back to the school kids.. Can you accept the fact that they don't know what is the meaning of characteristic, content (few that i remember), semangat kejiranan, budi bahasa, nilai-nilai murni, agensi kerajaan and lots more. *phewwwww* i'll be knocking my own head if i were their subject teachers for BM, Sejarah and Moral.


    and all these while, i thought that if they have more than anyone out there have, they will be in better term. proven i was wrong! they may be in a better situation, but that doesn't mean they can be any better. there i said my personal opinion.

    have a good saturday and sunday.

    p/s: Happy Teachers Day to all teachers out there especially to my mum, sister, uncle and aunties. Not forgetting my whole lots of friends in this profession, and also to my teachers that taught me to become what i am today. Muchos gracias, profesior!

    the craze of lomography

    Saturday, May 7, 2011

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    raise your hand if you know what is lomo @ lomography?

    basically, it is love for analog camera and films. yes, films. Still remember those good old days, back in our childhood year when we only have films camera? That is the kind of camera lomo lovers use to capture photos.

    i came across the lomo things accidentally through the net. And wallaa... now i don't think i need to save for DSLR anymore. heeee, no offend to DSLR lovers outside there. There are 10 golden rules of lomography, just check them out here :)

    as for me, what i like about lomo camera is the surprise that awaits for you when do not have the preview of photos you've captured. it takes time too to finish a roll of films, then need to send for developed. now, it is not easy to find a shop that provide this service anymore y'all. From what i knew, there are few shops in Kuching that have this services -- a shop near Swee Kang, Apollo Lab (main bazaar) and in Wisma Saberkas.

    enough of introduction, i know there are a lots of other sites talking details on lomography. I got a Holga 135BC for my birthday present back in Feb. Thanks my dear for the super amusing Holga *love love love*

    Here's the picture of my newest toy!


     the Holga 135BC - uses 35mm film & gave Black Corner effect to pic


    And the first attempt on the film. Still waiting for my 2nd and 3rd films to be developed. Yeay!


    i love the fact that we can do multiple exposure on the film, like photo above :)



    the feel old effect of the camera is so uuuhh nice...




    the view of KL

    Analog is nice but there are few digital lomo that are...Damn nice too. I'll share the photos from Digital Harinezumi and X-lomo next time. For now, taaa... enjoy our weekends peeps.



    2 months

    Saturday, April 30, 2011

    | 1 comments

    sorry for the two months hiatus, peeps!

    i was having some kind of major adjustment to life and surrounding for those times. Moving from a place that i can called my second home already. Gosh, can't believe i've been there for 7 years! Now that i have to move from other place, a lotsss of things that need to be done. *sigh*

    it was a tiring 2 months also, packing and cleaning up. And still not yet finish, i still need to make sure the rented house is clean in order to give back the keys to owner. What a good tenant i am, kan ;) And the new rented house here, was a total mess i tell u! My boxes n stuff are everywhere, an eyesore to look at especially when they took a large space at the living room. Hope my housemate can tahan the sight of it.

    in this 2 months time also, i am trying my very best to be .. ehem.. a teacher. Gosh, it was really a challenge to teach some spoil rich kids. Not to mention rude, never listen when u teach, go out from the class anytime they want. Adoiii adoii, doing my very best to be calm most of the time. I dont want to get myself high blood pressure alrite.

    but for sure, i know i enjoy teach those who were eager to learn but... seriously, majority of them do not respect knowledge. not sure how long i can stand all these, especially the bad rumours spreading around about the managements. for the time being, i dont want to give a damn, unless it involve my paycheck of course.

    hmm... when everything is set at its pace, i'll be back.. ranting on my life :P