this is for Dad
Monday, February 21, 2011
this story was to be post a week ago but only tonight that i have the time to write everything down. why it took me so long is because the emotion, feeling and tears involved. i may look like little miss sunshine, living a happy go lucky life but the truth is... i am a super sensitive person.
two Fridays ago, i was having dinner with my housemates in a chinese food court. at one time, i saw an uncle maybe the same age as my Dad. He caught my eyes because of his skin tone and face feature look likes Dad too. This man with crutch was standing in the middle of the food court, and for quite a long time.
My first impression was like 'oh, another beggar or disable fellow who want to ask for some money'. I waited for him to move, but like 2-3 minutes he stand still. He seem like struggling to decide whether to ask money from the patrons or not. He held his head high, but yet i can see his unwillingness to do this begging thing. And yes, i can't help but to watch what he's gonna do.
Then, he move slowly to a table next to ask. The people at the table refused to give him money, then next he walked slowly to our table. This time, i just can't look at him straight. You know, i always have this habit with me... i cannot bear to see them but yet refused to give money. I believe that by doing so, is not helping them. This man show a laminated paper, i can't see clearly what was it but i saw a drawing of a crutch and prosthetic leg. But i couldn't care more...
And he moved to another table behind us, repeating the same act...showing the laminated paper. As i was eating my dinner, i peeked at him from the corner of my eyes. Oh my, i just realized that one of his leg was amputated. No wonder he was on a crutch! The next thing i saw is the part that i can't describe in words. As the people at that table also refused to hand him money, this man... he raise his head, close his eyes and take a deep breath. You know, the things that you do when you are having difficult time doing your works? You stop to ponder, to gain strength and motivate yourself even though you don't like what you are doing. That was exactly the same things he did.
That moment, i have tears in my eyes. No one knows, but deep down i was so sad. Remember i mentioned that this man maybe same age as Dad and have the same skin tone & features? The whole things i saw make me miss my Dad :(
My Dad is a man of few words. He talk to his children when he asked us to do things, to run errands for him or to scold us. Sometimes when there was only Dad and me in the car, i'll chat a little but the conversation will slowly turn awkward and ended just like that. I am not a Daddy's girl, and i envy those who are. My Dad never show how proud he is with us, but i know he is. Just listened to the way he spoke about us to other people.
My Dad is not a perfect Dad, in fact he is far from that. But he never hit us, no violence in nurturing his children. He may not have all the money in the world to buy us nice, good things to pamper us. But Dad will always be there for us.
There was time when i questioned why i have such a Dad. Why don't i have Dad who i wish him to be? I prayed and wished for him to change, to be a better man for his family. Dad did changed slowly, and do his part as a good father to my 3 younger siblings.
Dad, i may not be the perfect daughter that you want me to be but i will try. I am sorry that sometime i seem to do not care about you. But the truth is, i care too much that it hurt. I thanks God for you, for Mum, for all my other siblings.
I love this family. I love you Dad!
I told this story few times to different people. They may not understand why it makes me so emotional that i cried in the middle of the story. I cried because i seldom be thankful for my Dad. Seeing this man who look a little bit like Dad, opened my eyes. I can't imagine life without my Dad. To imagine just a glimpse of that kind of life, brings ocean to my eyes. For the records, i was crying for the 5th times while typing this.
I have learned to: appreciate, thankful and count my blessings.
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