Saturday, October 2, 2010
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i've graduated with my bachelor degree in 2006. after graduation, i've became temporary teacher for less than a month. it was not because i quit but there was 2 reason at that time,. first the teacher i replaced attended her 3 weeks courses and returned to resume her position. secondly, the school was far away from my rented house in Kajang. i have to 'tumpang' other teachers from Bangi @ Kajang area to go to work. and that was very 'menyusahkan' those teachers and me myself. But overall, teaching was a good experience.
when the job ended, i've already decided to further my study in the same field as my degree. before that major decision, i have been thinking really hard whether to work or study. looking at the jobs market at that time, i believe graduates from Science & Tech can only go to Sales, Marketing, big company (if u r good enough), and of course lots of my friends end up in KPLI and DPLI.
i applied for my master in UKM and discussed with my supervisor about it. due to the fact that the program i chose is offer only in research so research it be. fast forward, i enrolled for my master, went to my classes, and applied for scholarships. God is very good to me, He gave me a chance to land myself a tutorship from a local university. in the beginning, everything was so beautiful. the studies, the scholarship and all of the elements. the spirit was very high, and all i can imagine is the ending to this beautiful reality.
times past. it's 2010. in my imagination, i should be working now and earning money at this age. but.. but.. here i am still stuck in my study. the study period extended but the scholarship money ended long time ago. to make everything worst, they don't want me coz i ain't finish my master (just the thesis part, writing!!) and i can't look for other jobs coz i'm bonded to them (contract, and big sum of money to compensate)
ah, what a frustration to have a nightmare at the end. the stress build up too, each and every single day. i can't get back that passion i have before to end all these but i am trying every day i wake up in the morning. you know what break my heart the most?
it was when people keep asking you these questions:
A: what are you doing now, working already?
me: no lah, still struggling with my study.
A: study what more?
me: master laa, so long also not finish yet.
A: you want to earn more money maa.......
F.Y.I if i want to makes more money, i'll go work once i've graduated... save money and do some serious business, alrite. what, you think once i get this master then sure i am gonna get good job that pay big money? nope. coz in the end it's the working experiences that matters out there!
no, it's not about money that i am all in this deep troubles now. it's about doing what i want and what i love. it's not easy to be compare with your fellow friends who are already working for 3,4 years. their handsome paychecks, their possessions and such. it makes a pessimist feel like a failure, loser and down.
lucky, i am born optimistic. i know that what i endures now are gonna be a catalyst for me in the future. it is not gonna be easy to finally break this cocoon and comes out as butterfly. but i know eventually, one day it will. look at the cocoon, can you find anything pretty on it that indicate the beauty of a butterfly? -- no, aite.
and i leave us a reminder. next time, when you have a friend or any person you know having problem just like i share here... please don't say that it's all about money. instead, just give us words of encouragement and an understanding smile. but if can, a big hug and handshake mostly make our day better :)
