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    • this is for Dad

    Monday, February 21, 2011

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    this story was to be post a week ago but only tonight that i have the time to write everything down. why it took me so long is because the emotion, feeling and tears involved. i may look like little miss sunshine, living a happy go lucky life but the truth is... i am a super sensitive person.

    two Fridays ago, i was having dinner with my housemates in a chinese food court. at one time, i saw an uncle maybe the same age as my Dad. He caught my eyes because of his skin tone and face feature look likes Dad too. This man with crutch was standing in the middle of the food court, and for quite a long time.

    My first impression was like 'oh, another beggar or disable fellow who want to ask for some money'. I waited for him to move, but like 2-3 minutes he stand still. He seem like struggling to decide whether to ask money from the patrons or not. He held his head high, but yet i can see his unwillingness to do this begging thing. And yes, i can't help but to watch what he's gonna do.

    Then, he move slowly to a table next to ask. The people at the table refused to give him money, then next he walked slowly to our table. This time, i just can't look at him straight. You know, i always have this habit with me... i cannot bear to see them but yet refused to give money. I believe that by doing so, is not helping them. This man show a laminated paper, i can't see clearly what was it but i saw a drawing of a crutch and prosthetic leg. But i couldn't care more...

    And he moved to another table behind us, repeating the same act...showing the laminated paper. As i was eating my dinner, i peeked at him from the corner of my eyes. Oh my, i just realized that one of his leg was amputated. No wonder he was on a crutch! The next thing i saw is the part that i can't describe in words. As the people at that table also refused to hand him money, this man... he raise his head, close his eyes and take a deep breath. You know, the things that you do when you are having difficult time doing your works? You stop to ponder, to gain strength and motivate yourself even though you don't like what you are doing. That was exactly the same things he did.

    That moment, i have tears in my eyes. No one knows, but deep down i was so sad. Remember i mentioned that this man maybe same age as Dad and have the same skin tone & features? The whole things i saw make me miss my Dad :(

    My Dad is a man of few words. He talk to his children when he asked us to do things, to run errands for him or to scold us. Sometimes when there was only Dad and me in the car, i'll chat a little but the conversation will slowly turn awkward and ended just like that. I am not a Daddy's girl, and i envy those who are. My Dad never show how proud he is with us, but i know he is. Just listened to the way he spoke about us to other people.

    My Dad is not a perfect Dad, in fact he is far from that. But he never hit us, no violence in nurturing his children. He may not have all the money in the world to buy us nice, good things to pamper us. But Dad will always be there for us.

    There was time when i questioned why i have such a Dad. Why don't i have Dad who i wish him to be? I prayed and wished for him to change, to be a better man for his family. Dad did changed slowly, and do his part as a good father to my 3 younger siblings.

    Dad, i may not be the perfect daughter that you want me to be but i will try. I am sorry that sometime i seem to do not care about you. But the truth is, i care too much that it hurt. I thanks God for you, for Mum, for all my other siblings.

    I love this family. I love you Dad!


    I told this story few times to different people. They may not understand why it makes me so emotional that i cried in the middle of the story. I cried because i seldom be thankful for my Dad. Seeing this man who look a little bit like Dad, opened my eyes. I can't imagine life without my Dad. To imagine just a glimpse of that kind of life, brings ocean to my eyes. For the records, i was crying for the 5th times while typing this.

    I have learned to: appreciate, thankful and count my blessings.

    ::2772::

    Monday, February 7, 2011

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    Hello, i am back. Already have few draft to post but i write post according to my mood. When i am in no mood, i prefer to wait.. *Alasan semata-mata, cakap je malas kan*

    Anyway, as i have to wait for someone dear for 2 hours alone in Coffee Bean, i better do something entertaining. One more reason because i already have this draft for like 5days but only with the title.. hahaha. Blame my internet service provider, my lousy Celcom berukband yang cam gampang.. Sikit sikit disconnect, huh... menyampah I tau!

    Oh right, 2772 is not my car plate number. And i don't even have car, i only have RapidKL's bus driver as my driver. Hehehe...... It is also not lottery number that 'kena one'. It is my 27th birthday on 7 February... yes, i am very young :))

    Now, i don't want to talk about shit, about how am i doing compared to other 27's out there. I dare not to, and to belittle myself is not thing that i will do. Seriously, i never regret my decision to do the things i am doing now. Well, i planned but i never know how do the outcome look like rite. Everything is in The Creator's hands.

    On my birthday, i was giving computer's tutorial to the undergraduates students. That was a solid 2 hours class, the income as part time demonstrator is not big but at least the experiences gains are priceless. Now only do i know that my voice is loud, can beat a guy's voice.. can be heard from back of the class with 51 students.. all without the use of microphone. Ahh, a good asset to be an educator no..

    After my class, i went to Zar Bakery in Pusanika, to indulge my me-time alone. I was craving for cheese cake, so i bought a slice of Mango Cheesecake, a mug of vanilla tea and sit at the table. Took a book from my bag, and started my own birthday celebration =)

    I just can't believe how the Universe conspired to make my 27th birthday a memorable one! You know what happened? Just about the time i flip the pages of the book, and put the cake in my mouth.. suddenly it rained, a breezy rainy evening. Thank you God. As if that was not enough, the Pakcik Bakery played my favourite song! To Love Somebody by The Beatle. How awesome it can be??? On my birthday i have cheesecake, vanilla tea, reading a book, rain and my favourite song... Blessing and bliss.

    And thanks to friends that belanja me my Dinner for that day, Lunch for the next day. And i was so terharu with all the wishes i received in Facebook. Amigas, i love you all!!

    And that was the story of my 2772 :)

    The End.


    p/s: When i was a teen, i always thought that being 27 is old. But now i do not think so. And when i am 27, i thought i married already (atleast) but here i am, still a student. Cheers! Just live life in its moments :))

    last day before...

    Sunday, February 6, 2011

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    Yupe, last day before i turn 21 *wink wink*

    Do pretty nothing today, just cooked fried mee hoon and invented a weird recipe. My version of asam pedas Dory fillet with terung sarawak, awesomely masam :P

    I am having a terrible sleepy-ness syndrome nowadays.. Even if i slept for 10 hours pun i will feel very sleepy the whole day. Don;t have any special feeling tho' towards my birthday, it is just a date. To celebrate yourself, we must do it everyday, not only on special occasion.

    Most importantly, i am in good state of health, have pennies to spent for basic necessity. Not forgetting those who loves me -- friends, families, love ones etc etc. And blessings to have the privileges for broadband usage (to do all online stuff), to eat good foods, to have more than enough clothes to wear. Yes, count my blessings to remind myself how lucky am i despite my situation.

    But top of all, i can't wait for this coming weekend to the extend that i wish when i wake up tomorrow morning, it is Friday instead of Monday morning.

    what's with Jackie Chan?

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    Honestly, am no die hard fan of this Jackie Chan fellow. But his films are entertaining enough to hook me in front of the tele box :) See, i mentioned telly not cinema... His last movie that i watched, if not mistaken was The Spy Next Door.


    I never know much about this world famous martial art actor until today. As i switched on the tv this morning, 8TV to be exact, i saw Jackie on a chinese celebrity talk show. Due to the fact that there was no good cartoon to watch on a Saturday's morning. i just let the show played on telly.

    So i've spent my 1hours 30 minutes watching a talk show where Jackie was the guest for the show. No regret after all, because i knew much after that.. and learned from his experiences also. As we know now, Jackie is actively involve in charity activities.

    He shared that the first charity activity he attend was arrange by his management, which was a visit to a hospital. His young fans were very excited and happy at his sight, and his agent proudly told them that Jackie himself bought presents for them and other bla bla bla. But the truth is, Jackie don't even want to attend the activity (he was so tired with his dance and social activity the night before, he was lacked of sleep!) Technically, he was dragged to the charity event.

    But but... he said at that moment, he was very ashamed and feel terribly bad. He just fake a smile but deep down inside, only he knew what was happening. The patients asked whether he will come the following year. He answered yes and made a mental note to really come next year.

    So for the whole year, he sorted out gifts from his fan and put them into boxes, wrapped it on his own and bring those gifts to the charity event he promised he will come to. This time, he was happy to do it, with out anyone pushing him.

    He also mentioned that, it is not easy to do charity. Because sometimes he really have to fork his own money to cover some expenses. Say there was a case where a friend gave him 1million, Jackie called the clothes factory to make ten thousand sweater. But, how to deliver the items to its receiver? Ahah, he said he paid two hundred thousand for the deliveries using his own cash.


    What make all these story about Jacky so interesting? He said:

    '' It was the society that changed him to better person he became today. And he will continue to become better and better human being. ''

    He described himself as a bad person, but slowly becoming a good one because of society and his fans. According to him, as long as there is a person doing charity in your home, your household won't be bad or goes too wrong. That person will have some good effect indirectly towards people around him/her.

    Owh, there were too much of things he shared on the show.... But in the end, it is worthy for me to accidentally watched the show. Yes, that bring two benefits:

    1. sharpen my ear and refreshed my mandarin skill
    2. know much more about the famous Jackie Chan.


    p/s: I like the feeling of watching people -- all kind of behaviour, attitude, colour and character. It was a therapy to me








    100th post goes to....

    Friday, February 4, 2011

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    the cutest, naughtiest, loudest

    one and only

    Miss Berry the cat... *meoww*







    my chinese new year

    Wednesday, February 2, 2011

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    :: 农历新年快乐 恭喜发财 万事如意 兔年大吉 ::
    Happy Chinese New Year to all Malaysians. Yes, all not only the Tiong Hua or Chinese or those who has family members to celebrate with.

    It is a national holiday after all, so it must be a national celebration also right :)
    Though i am no chinese, but somehow sometimes i feel that i am a little bit of it. That was the effect of spending 11 years of school with fellow Chinese friends ;) There was an incident back in first week of secondary school, my own people (race) do not want to friend me. Reason? Just because some other friends or her told her not to. Hmm. what ever, i have nothing to lose.

    During my younger years @ primary school, i went to Chinese Medium school. First year was a struggle, i have to learn everything on my own. To cope with the Mandarin language which is the main language used, and of course if you don't master the language... you'll end up knowing nothing (besides BM and English of course). Mummy and daddy are not of Chinese descendants too (though they are sepet), no nothing of this foreign language.. Oh yea, i was on my own feet since the day i step into my class of 1E circa 1991.

    And because my teachers never treated me unequally, they always forgot that i am not a sepet spesies. The innocent me never bother about my differences except for my exam marks of course. This continues to my secondary school years.

    When Chinese New Year came, we planned about our 'Bai Nian' or house visiting. We went together usually on the 3rd day of CNY. The group was as big as 10-20 people (almost a classroom) and our mode of transportation -- you guess it -- bus! Either the red colour Bau Transport Company or green colour Sarawak Transport Company. Both numbered as NO. 2, enroute from Bau to Kuching. Our 'Bai Nian' destination --> Bau town, Paku, Siniawan, Tanjung Duria and, Keranji.

    How 'kecoh' we all at that time. Shouting, teasing, chasing and what so ever the naughty bunch of teenagers always do. Pity, the tradition continues without me after Form 4. Because i was transferred to other school. Life in this new school, was another story to tell.

    I have cousins and aunt who celebrate CNY but i never celebrate with them since my Uni years. Huhu... missed all the good tasty great foods, the joys and ang pau of cozzz.... :))

    Government is busy shouting the concept of 1 Malaysia, but what i saw was more differences are been highlighted. Oh come on, go to East Malaysia and you live in 1 Malaysia, not only the concept folks!

    As for this new Rabbit year, i will stay at home and watch the tv till my eyes got blood shot. hahaha.. kidding! No, i have to stay at home to babysit the house cat, Berry, and to avoid the sea of foreign workers out there. But the spirit of CNY will always be with me!

    p/s: I am so narcissist that i once declare that i am more Chinese that some Chinese. What the heck am i thinking? Just because i can speak, read n write the languages?





    a belated letter to Santa

    Tuesday, February 1, 2011

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    Dear Santa,


    I am sorry for my belated Christmas wish a.k.a letter to you. I know, it has been a month plus from the day.

    If you check from your Naughty or Nice list, i am pretty sure that you got mine in Nice :) Oh, come on Mr. Santa.. I cooked for the family for the whole 3 weeks i was at home. Not forgetting that i baked the all time favourite cookies-- Honey Cornflakes, Choc Chips and Ghee. I left it on the kitchen counter for you, but i guess you couldn't make it to my place. You see, we don't have that cool chimney at home. Pity us the tropical country people.

    So, i guess that because you already missed giving me my Christmas present.. why don't i write and ask for.. ehem-- my birthday gift instead? *wink wink wink wink* Can you see my grayish contact lens Mr. Santa?

    Maybe it is very hard for you to decide what to give me right? Never mind Mr. Santa, i have my own wish list here to share with you. Make your job easier even though it is your off season now. See, i am pretty considerate and understanding lady.. am i?

    First of all my Mr. Santa.. do you know that i bought both my handphones by using my own money? The 1st Nokia 3200 using my scholarship a    nd the 2nd Sony Ericsson using my small salary as Research Assistant. Alas, my 1st ever handphone was stolen. Ah, there goes my dream of keeping it as a memento from the past. My SE now is aging, with glory of its youth fading away and lack of energy to sustain the continuous usage of texting and calling. This come to conclussion that, i may need a new handphone. In the word need, it is actually read as WANT.

    I have my eyes on these few models but yeah, i will need to save and keep eating little bird portion to buy it using my on cash.

    1. Mini Pro
    2. Vivaz
    3. Xperia X8

    But if you, Mr Santa thinks that something i want is not always so    mething i need. Then may i proposed to you the second item on my list? Let me tell you something, nowadays i saw teenagers have a new accessories for their wardrobe. And guess what it is--- a DSLR! Oh my freaking hamster, when i was their age i only have cheap DIY necklace for my neck. Eager to know the price for this toy, i went to do my research online. Wow, the cheapest is around rm2000 Mr. Santa. How rich kids this day, don't you agree with me?

    No Mr. Santa, i can't foresee myself having this expensive     toy. It's complicated to operate and one must have passion to learn and to master the skill. Me? Not that lucky i guess. But me, be a typical Malaysian, must be kiasu right. So i dig here and there. Waa--laa, you know what.. i finally found the alternative for something cooler, chic and hip related to camera too. I think i am starting to like the Lomography thingy. Blame it on this site The*Click*Shop.


    Can you believe that all these are actually camera? Really! 35mm film is cool, i dont mind.

    They have reasonable price cameras, did i mentioned     cute and adorable? And provide great photo too? I'll show you some pictures Mr. Santa.



    I think this is enough for this year Mr. Santa. I know this letter will be a very long one for you to finish. But never mind, it's February and it's my birthday month! They said those who born on this month are those who blessed with much of love~to love and to be loved. I am pretty sure i am.

    Yours truly,
    Miss Fickle.

    biTTer @ pahit berkelat

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    Jiwa kacau, perasaan tak happy :(
    Rasa macam makan oren manis tergigit part yang masam
    Lebih tepat kalau minum air asam jawa tanpa gula.
    Bak tergigit peria tanpa rela, atau dipaksa makan ubat.

    Dah excited susun story board dalam otak
    Ingat nak share cerita ceriti dongeng moden
    Kamera lomo Diana, Holga & segala yang cute
    But, tak pa lah......
    Tengok gaya, simpan dalam tempayan sudah.

    Story telling hari lain xde feel dah...
    aku no mood... aku rasa macam cakap sorang
    wuwu.... pahit kelat dan masam.
     :(